This is a lovely ride with great scenery, fun people, wonderful volunteers, too much food... But I can guarantee you that 20 people are going to have a terrible time. You see, we expect about 2,000 cyclists, and on every ride we do there is a consistent one percent of our fellow cyclists that have a really bad time of it. When things go wrong for one of our fine cyclists we scrape them up off the pavement and then we often hear them say, “But no one told me that...” And so here it all is -- all the bad stuff on one page. For 99 percent of you this stuff doesn’t matter one bit -- you are going to have a blast. But if you would like to avoid being in that unhappy one percent (or if you just like to read cranky stuff), this is worth taking a quick look at... Helmets You must wear a hard bike helmet at all times on the ride. No helmet/no ride/no exceptions. Really. Oh yeah, and while we’re being mean, no earphones or cell phones while you’re pedaling either. If you break these rules, we will kick you off the ride and everyone will laugh at you. No refunds. Whiners Whiners will be dealt with in the harshest possible manner. No Bikes on Trains -- MUST READ! We use the Long Island Rail Road (LIRR) extensively on ride day (along with some charter buses and vans too). The LIRR has gone out of its way to help us -- we've asked them to do a LOT, and they have come through above and beyond the call -- they've added extra train cars for us, changed schedules... We just couldn't do this amazing ride without their help. In exchange for all this generous help from the LIRR, they have asked that we keep ALL bicycles off of the trains and they have my word that we will comply. ABSOLUTELY NO BICYCLES ON ANY TRAINS ON THIS WEEKEND -- SATURDAY OR SUNDAY. (Of course we are referring to the LIRR train lines between NYC and Montauk. You want to take your bike on Metro-North to Connecticut? Live it up!) Check out the info showing what time you need to be where on ride day here. All you have to do is show up at the right time in the right place with your bike, stand there, and smile. We'll take care of all the transportation for your bike and for you all day long so you can have a fantastic time. You see, it's not just that you CAN'T take your bike on the LIRR train on ride day; it's that we've worked very hard to make sure that you don't NEED to bring your bike on the train! When we say no bikes on the train, we ain't joking, son! I once winked as people sneaked on the train with their bikes. THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. In exchange for the LIRR stepping up and helping us keep this ride great, I have personally guaranteed that there will be ZERO bicycles on the LIRR this weekend on the Montauk line. I know for a fact that LIRR security will be out enforcing this rule, and I will be helping them. If you try to sneak your bike on a train you will be removed with unreasonable force. NO REFUNDS. Bicycles ARE still allowed on the New York City subway on ride day, of course. Now friends, please don't think too hard here. Whenever we put out info like this, I always get a lot of email that states, "I know you said no bikes on the train, but I should bring my bike on the train between Manhattan and Babylon, right?" Wrong. Ugh. Our Incredibly Unfair Refund Policy Once you register, there are no refunds. Of any kind. For any reason. Ever. (Even if all six of your grandmothers die on the day of the ride and you break your leg in a car accident while your dog eats your homework, all according to a notarized letter from your doctor, who is also a priest or rabbi). Why the hard line on refunds? Good question. As soon as you register for the ride, we take your money and we go right out and SPEND IT. We buy more Gatorade, we rent more trucks and portable toilets, we sign up for more insurance (we pay per cyclist). We can’t refund your money because it is not sitting in our vault; it is GONE. Thanks for understanding. Transfer Your Registration to Another Ride If it turns out that you can’t make it, you can often transfer your registration to one of our other events. Take a look here to see if any of our other events works for you, and then contact us for details. Do NOT just sign up for another event until you contact us first -- you will need written confirmation from us to make the switch, but we’re pretty reasonable about this. Please note that we need AT LEAST 15 DAYS notice before the event you want to skip in order to transfer your registration. (Why? See info above!) You can roll-over full credit for your registration until next year, with our written permission. Again, we need at least 15 days advance notice before the date of the ride you want to skip, and again we’re usually pretty reasonable about this. Your registration credit will be valid through whatever the last event is that we run in ’11. Please note that in all situations where we give you a ride credit, it is for the full value of the event minus the Active.com services fees. In other words, if you signed up for a ride for $75 and paid Active.com an additional $4.75 service fee, we credit you $75 only. Why? Because Active.com doesn’t refund or credit us that $4.75. We never get any of that service fee -- it all goes to Active.com -- so we can’t refund that fee back to you. Obscure Trivia Note I’ve been putting on swell rides for more than a dozen years now -- it’s my full-time job, and I expect to do this for another 200 years. But if my poor little company ever goes under or I die in a horrible ice-cream-and-pie related accident, all ride credits will have zero value, OK? OK. Sell or Give Your Ride Registration to Someone Else All you need to do to transfer your spot in the ride to another person is give your name to the new rider. The new rider MUST stop by one of our check-in desks on ride day (or our optional day-before check-in), even if you bought the Express Lane pre-mail service. Why? Because if they get smooshed by a truck and they are wearing a numbered wristband that our records show belongs to you, we won’t know the difference (because them smooshed and you smooshed look pretty much the same...) and we will call YOUR family and tell them that YOU are DEAD, DEAD, DEAD! (Try explaining THAT ONE at Thanksgiving dinner!) When the new rider checks in, they simply say, “I’m riding for Jim Smith, but my name is...” They can pick any distance or check-in location, no matter what you specified when you signed up. They get whatever extra-goodies you signed up for -- if you registered for transportation back home, they get it. If you bought a Medium racing jersey, they get a Medium (only) racing jersey. Changing Your Route Distance or Start Line This happens all the time -- you sign up for, say, the 66-mile route out of Manhattan, and decide that you would really rather pedal the 100 out of Babylon. Not a problem! Just drop us an email at routechange@ridetomontauk.com (or any of our other email addresses for that matter...) and let us know. Please be SURE to tell us your FULL NAME (you’d be amazed at how many unsigned emails we get). There is no charge for making the change, of course. DEADLINE FOR CHANGING YOUR ROUTE: June 16 at noon. If you miss that deadline not to worry! Just come to morning check in and tell us in person. In 99 percent of the cases we can accommodate you with no problem. HOWEVER... many of our routes require us to transport your bike in a truck in the morning. (Don’t worry about how that works -- just pretend that I know what I’m talking about here!) We book extra truck capacity just to accommodate people who want to change route distances at the last minute on the day of the ride -- we want to take extra-good care of you! But if we get an unexpected avalanche of people who want to change, we are going to load the bikes first of those who alerted us in advance. We work really hard to make sure that we’re covered here, but consider this a friendly warning... S.A.G. (Bike Rescue) -- What it Can and Can Not Do If you get too tired to go on or your bike breaks, just call the phone number that we will print on the route sheet (handed out ONLY on ride day) and we’ll rush someone to your aid. We have vehicles with walkie-talkies stationed all along the route to help you. Our S.A.G. drivers are wonderful people, but most of them are NOT bike mechanics. (In fact, many are non-cycling friends of people who are doing the ride.) When they pick you up, they will usually not be able to fix your bike. Instead, they will take you to either a nearby bike shop or to the next rest stop where you can get additional help or a lift all the way to the finish line. S.A.G. is not a taxi service. S.A.G. can not take you to a movie. S.A.G. can not take you to Thai food take-out. S.A.G. can not drop you off at grandma’s house. Weather & Route Conditions If it is hot out you may be hot. If it is cold out you may be cold. If it is raining you may get wet. We work constantly to find the best routes, but if there is a pot-hole or a nasty bit of uneven pavement, it is up to you to work around it. We often get frantic screaming phone calls on ride day at our headquarters: “THERE’S A HUGE POTHOLE AT MILE 73.4!” We understand your concern but there is remarkably little we can do about this on ride day. (Our personal paving machine and steamroller are both still in the shop, waiting for spare parts.) The only time we cancel the ride is if the weather is so bad that we believe that your life would be in danger out on the route. (Lightning, tsunami...) We do not issue refunds if we have to cancel the ride. (Why? See above under Our Incredibly Unfair Refund Policy). Water All of our rest stops have delicious water (along with lots and lots of other goodies). We don’t serve bottled water. Ever. Here’s why. The Length of the Ride The first time I rode a full century (100 miles) I was, of course, exhausted at the end. I was in shock when my odometer hit 100.0, but I wasn’t back at the finish. There was another two or three miles to go. I was tempted to just slam on the brakes right there and refuse to go any farther, but... SO... I know the feeling. I do my best to get the route mileages to come out just exactly perfect (on account of our new name is The Just Exactly Perfect Brothers’ Band...) but it rarely works out that way. I promise to do my very best for you, but as our route sheets often state at the bottom, “Mileage figures are highly inaccurate and are for your entertainment purposes only.” Food Allergies WARNING: Our peanut butter may contain peanuts. (Duh!) The Route Sheet On the day of the ride we will give you a great route sheet. We do not release copies of the route sheet in advance, for four reasons: Not everyone is as honest as you. When we release the route sheet in advance, we get a lot of people who do the ride without paying. Believe it or not, the route sheet is usually not ready until just a day or two before the ride. Why? Because our excellent route-marking crew heads out to Montauk right before the ride to check for any last-minute changes. It is VERY common for them to come across a road that we have used for years, only to discover that it is closed for construction (or under water). When they return from marking the route, the route-marking team is THE final word on where the route goes -- even I don’t know the route until I hear back from them. If we distribute the route sheet before the ride, we get a LOT of email like this: "I see the route goes down Maple Street. You people are idiots. Everyone knows that Oak Street is much better than Maple Street. I will be riding on Oak Street instead. Will there be a rest stop for me on Oak Street?" We ALSO get a lot of email like this: "I see from the route sheet that the ride will go right past my house. I will start pedaling from in front of my house, and then do the route in reverse order. Can I get a lift back to my house after the ride?" Hope you understand! When we’ve released the route sheet in advance bad things happen to us, and we hate when that happens! Transporting Your Bike Most (but not all...) cyclists on the ride will have their bike transported during the day in one of our private trucks. We spent $40,000 (that we will never recover...) on custom-made bike racks that help your bike travel safer:  We are gentle with all of the bikes, but even under the best circumstances, nicks and scratches happen. YOUR BIKE MAY BE DAMAGED. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR DAMAGE TO YOUR BIKE, AND WE DO NOT PAY FOR BIKE DAMAGE. In other words, if you see one of our staff jumping up and down on your bike, we promise to kill them, and we will pay for damage to your bike. But if your bike gets scratched, banged, dented, or bent accidently during shipping, we can not be responsible, and we can not reimburse you. This may be the wrong ride to bring your one-of-a-kind, Dura Ace 25th Anniversary Edition, custom-painted-by-Ernesto Colnago-himself-bicycle. Why the hard line on bike damage? Good question. Years ago I was the tour director of a ride where a cyclist swore that we scratched the paint on the bottom of his bike. (You know -- the bottom -- where you can’t see it...) The solution that he proposed was that we pay to have all of the components removed from his bike, have the bare frame shipped to Italy where it would be hand-painted, then shipped back to the U.S. and reassembled. Estimated price: $3,000. Were we responsible for that scratch in his paint? I don’t think so, but who knows? So rather than risk bankrupting our little company every time we ride, we just put this mean policy in place instead. I’m reminded of our high school drug dealer youth-group leader. He was the first person I ever knew who had a custom-built bike. He had a dream that he dropped the bike and scratched it, and he never rode the bike again. You are on an adventure and adventure involves risk. Check-In the Day Before the Ride We offer a really cool service -- you can check in the day BEFORE the ride in either Manhattan or Babylon, and avoid the lines at the check-in table on ride day. You can check in for any route at any day-before location. We also offer to load bikes in our special trucks the day before. This is a huge perk since you can get some extra sleep on ride day -- your bike is already loaded. When you get to the spot where you start to pedal, your bike is already unloaded and ready to ride. You can load your bike the day before the ride for all routes EXCEPT: • The 145-mile route • The 100-mile route for those who are getting to the Babylon start line on their own without our free transport. (Those are the ONLY two routes that do NOT require bike transport in the morning, so no reason to load bikes the day before). BUT... if you load your bike the day before, wake up on ride day, and decide you would rather stay home and watch TV instead, your bike will already be on a truck that is far away. Yes, you will get your bike back but it will take time and it will be up to you to fetch it on Saturday after the ride or on Sunday. Contacting Us The best part of my job is hearing from you. Honest. But when it gets close to ride day I am buried in an avalanche of email, and it is really hard to answer them all. Please think carefully before you write. Each year I answer a zillion emails and they tend to fall in to five categories: Things That Were Explained on This Web Site in Excruciating Detail “Does this ride go to Montauk?” “What is the date of the ride?” “How do I register?” By the way, this sort of question seems to come almost exclusively from law-firm senior partners, bank vice-presidents, and pharmaceutical company CEOs. Hmm... Unbelievably Insane Questions "The web site says to arrive at morning check-in at 6:00 a.m. What time should I arrive at morning check-in?" Previous winners: “How many red lights will there be between Manhattan and Montauk?” and “What time should I start pedaling from the Montauk start line to get back to the Manhattan finish line in time?” Not to worry -- I’ve asked questions that are much more insane than these! The Unanswerable "How long will it take me to ride to Montauk?" (I dunno -- how fast can you pedal a bike?) You Gotta Be Kidding "Can I start the ride from the Amagansett train station, skip morning check-in, do the route in reverse order, and then get a ride to my cousin’s house in Brooklyn after the ride?" (Umm... No.) I Love You, But I do NOT Have Time for This Now “I don’t have a bike, I don’t know how to get to Penn Station, I need to borrow a helmet, I can’t register on-line...” (This sort of email ALWAYS arrives about 12 hours before the ride when we are going absolutely nuts working day and night...) If you're REALLY sure that you STILL have a question, I would be more than happy to help. (Honest!) Besides the usual batch of nutty emails, I get lots of notes every year from people with important, sensible questions and great advice for making the ride better, and I’d be delighted to hear from you. If you ask a really stupid question, well, you’ll be in excellent company because I ask stupid questions all the time. Send your email to questions @ ride to montauk . com and I will answer it personally. Please (PLEASE!) be sure to tell us YOUR NAME, and please put a subject line on your email that gives me a hint about why you are writing -- when the pre-ride email avalanche comes in this is a huge help to your frail tour director and humble servant. Hint: Here’s a good email subject line that will receive a prompt response: I need help with Montauk transportation Here’s a bad email subject line that may never get a response: hi ;-) (You can use that subject line only if you are a Nigerian oil minister) We Love You -- No; really! This time I mean it! Glen Your tour director and humble servant glen @ ride to montauk .com Click here to go to the next page, or use the navigation menu at the top of your screen. 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